Child Discipline
For Real Parents

Child discipline has become a hot-button topic in the last several decades. It used to be that everyone raised their children pretty much the same. Not so anymore! Just look around in a typical classroom or playground and you'll see the variety of discipline methods that parents use (or lack thereof!).

Child discipline can be defined as "the set of rules, rewards and punishments administered to teach self control, increase desirable behaviors and decrease undesirable behaviors in children" (from Wikipedia.org).

Forms of Child Discipline

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Throughout history, there have been many forms of child discipline used in parenting and education. It used to be that children expected the same form of correction used at home to be used at school as well.

However, in recent years (from the 1970's on), there has been so much controversy about the use of excessive punishment for children that many countries (especially in western Europe) and states in America have outlawed certain types of discipline.

Punishment Based

Corporal - This is hands down the most controversial discipline method, yet also one of the oldest. As proponents of corporal punishment will argue, the Bible says in Proverbs 13:24 "He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him." Many parents who use corporal punishment will only "spank" on the bottom or "slap" a hand. However, there are those unfortunate cases of child abuse, where caregivers misuse Bible verses to justify their actions.


Time Outs - A period of isolation is used for a child that has displayed challenging behavior in this discipline technique. The child can be sent to their room, to a quiet corner, or to a specific chair. Classroom teachers have also been known to use this method in the early grades. One popular book that describes time-outs in more detail is "1-2-3 Magic."

Scolding - Another method that has been used since the beginning of time, scolding usually succeeds in making children feel poorly, but not to extinguish the behavior that is unwanted.

Grounding/Privilege Removal
- This tactic is generally used with older adolescents and teenagers. It involves keeping a child at home during a normally social time (like a weekend) as a punishment for challenging behavior. Very similar is taking away a privilege, like driving the family car, from a teenager.

Positive Discipline Methods

Rewards - Using positive reinforcement (rewards and praise) is currently one of the most popular forms of behavior modification used in classrooms. Parents can also effectively use this technique at homes to teach desired behaviors. The use of  behavior charts can help parents monitor their child's progress.

Distraction - This is a tactic that works especially well with younger children. If a child is trying to knock over your crystal vase in the bookcase, you can call her over to play with her stacking blocks. Often, that momentary distraction will be enough to make her forget about wanting to ruin your vase!

Natural Consequences - The book "Parenting With Love and Logic" is the best book I have read about using natural consequences in your home. One example of this discipline technique would be if your child is not picking up their toys, they get put away for an extended period of time.

Modeling - This discipline approach calls for a more active role for the parent, but is something that we should all be doing anyway. Basically, you show the child exactly what it is you would like for them to do.

Child Discipline Tips

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No matter how you choose to discipline your child, there are several tips I can give you to help things go more smoothly.

"Be Consistent" - If I could give just one piece of advice, this would be it. Parents who switch from one discipline method to another only confuse the child. For example, if you've told your child that if s/he hits another child, they will get a time out, but then instead you spank them, they will not know what to expect from you - for discipline or in other matters.

"Communicate" - Your child needs to know what the rules are, and what the consequences are for not following the rules. You cannot expect them to just know what the expectations are in any given situation. Make sure you are clear and that they understand both the rules and consequences.

"Try to Understand" - If you notice a pattern behind your child's challenging behavior, perhaps there is a reason behind it. Try to step back and look for a "why" for the behavior. Is your child upset because of a change in your family situation? Is there a bully at school that is picking on your child?

"Let It Go" - After you have dealt with the challenging behavior, it's time to let it go. Do not continue to lecture your child or bring it up after the fact.

"Apologize If Necessary" - Don't be afraid to apologize to your child if you've made a mistake. It's an important lesson for them to learn that grown-ups can be wrong as well. Perhaps you had a bad day and overreacted, or maybe you were inconsistent in your expecations or consequences. Whatever the case, admit your mistake and move on.

Child Discipline Resources

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I read The Happy Child Guide: How to Get Any Child To Listen & Be Respectful just recently.

At first, I thought there was no way that a book could help me with child discipline. After all, I was educated in child development and behavior management!

Then I got my pride in check. This guide was written by two parenting experts, Dr. Blaise Ryan and Ashley Ryan.

Dr. Blaise Ryan is a world renowned Natural Medicine Doctor, Child Behavior Researcher & he is the Chief Medical Researcher at Child Brain Health Research Institute.

Surely, they knew more about parenting than I did!

After reading The Happy Child Guide, I realized how many mistakes I had been making in dealing with my own children.

Read my full review of The Happy Child Guide book here.

Here are some other websites you might find helpful when learning about the topic of child discipline:

American Academy of Pediatrics
American Association of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
National Mental Health Association

What's Your Take on Child Discipline?

What do you think about child discipline?

Were you raised with a certain discipline style and swore you would do things differently?

Do you thinking spanking is okay? Is it child abuse?

Are parents "too lenient" these days?

Or is the move toward a more "positive approach" to parenting beneficial for our children?

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